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Re: vision
how's everything 十年前の自分?
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橘美緒 • :3
cooking is my hobby this summer. that and sleeping in which leads to avoiding going to the gym lolololol i am such a waste of space that keeps gaining weight

in order to ~*get in touch*~ with my filipino culture,

(admittedly i have become quite filipino since coming home and it's kind of depressing I DON'T HAVE BAD TASTE IN ENTERTAINMENT AND GOSSIPING IS NOT MY HOBBY I PROMISE)

i bought ingredients to make sinigang, my favorite stew...thing. the pork version. 

this entails using a powder for the broth since people don't really use actual tamarind (i.e. sampalok) in their sinigang anymore.

so it was delicious. and amazing. and i drank tons of the soup and feasted on the vegetables.

and was so darned proud of myself because look at me!! i can cook i.e. cut up things and pour water and powder into a pot

then i woke up with a sore throat.

from my own cooking.

because the broth was too sour and acidic that it killed my esophagus

asjfhksajlfhkjsahfkjsahfkjhsfkjahsf r e a l l y 

stupid powdered broth packet thing

|:
24th-Apr-2011 09:20 am - fuck this shit
橘美緒 • :3
sure i'm happy that i went through all of that but jfc i'd be so much better off right now if i didn't.

i wake up depressed, i go to sleep depressed, i don't want to talk to people nor see their conversations because i can't suppress my stupid selfish tendencies to want to complain and whine (seriously i want to be happy for you but i feel cheated from what might have been a pivotal point in my life), relationships are too difficult to keep up with because i've turned into a recluse, and my grades are dropping because i can't concentrate

to top it all off, my health has worsened considerably again and i can't talk to anyone about it. i would and i've tried, but nobody understands how shitty it is to never know when your body is going to start attacking itself. i hate being the way i am and looking the way i do-- it reminds me every single day how i'm sick for the rest of my days on this planet
 
seriously just fuck this shit i need a break from my life
2nd-Mar-2011 12:46 am - one thousandth entry hay
橘美緒 • :3
Wasn't expecting that, for one.

This semester I've been increasingly anti-social relative to fall semester, which was a whirlwind of new faces and potential friendships, most of which have turned into acquaintance...ships. I wonder if that's a word.

But today, as I studied for my IR midterm with a fellow IR major that I usually dance with, I realized how much I miss getting to know people and things of that nature. And how I miss people teaching me history-- seriously, the Marshall Plan makes more sense when you have a friend explaining it to you within some sort of lulzy context.

I also showed him the tornado that is my life which I have let wreak havoc in my room. Midterms = messy room for me, haha. The state of my room is a parallel to my mental state orz

There is something about my entire crew. Something that makes it so easy for us to sit down and have really long, cathartic heart-to-hearts and that is why I freaking love them so much despite the trouble we're going through right now. 

Which subsequently made me realize that even though I need to put more effort into my friendships (with my crew and with other people in general ie I just saw a friend I haven't really talked to since last semester and I gave him a two minute hug /o/), I've been blessed with an amazing family who gets closer every minute we spend together.
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